I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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