im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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