It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you inspire me to be a worse person
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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