Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize