Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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