Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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