they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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