We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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