i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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