So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
