We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
