i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
