the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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