when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
