I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
