Just fell off a train. Bad.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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