I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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