dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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