u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
