i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
