i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
