there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
