Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
