you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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