His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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