the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize