Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
