I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
