Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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