So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize