im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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