he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
