God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
