I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
