Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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