I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
