My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
bring money and cleavage
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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