This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
