There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
