Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
