Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
