Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
