Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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