Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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