lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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