he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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