i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
