My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
