Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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