I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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