If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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