nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
