don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
