Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
