Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
