You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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