My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
