I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
