it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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