My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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