They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
