the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
