My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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