Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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