i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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