im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize