My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
