I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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