You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize